A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging from his belt. The bartender asks, “What’s that for?” The pirate responds, “Aarrr, its driving me nuts”.
A guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says, “Can I help you?” The duck says, “Yeah, you can get this guy off my butt!”
A corn stalk walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Wanna hear a good joke?” The corn stalk says, “I’m all ears!”
A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says “We don’t serve your kind here.” and the mushroom says – “Why not? I’m a fungi.”
An amnesiac girl comes into a barand she asks, “Do I come here often?”
A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, “You can come in, but don’t start anything!”
A man goes into a bar with a giraffe, they both get a couple of rounds in. They get extremely drunk and the giraffe passes out on the ground. The man opens the door, about to leave by himself, when the bartender stops him suddenly and says, “Hey! You can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The man turns around and slurs, “Don’t be silly, that’s not a lion, that’s a giraffe!”
A kangaroo walks into a bar. He orders a beer. The bartender says, “That’ll be $10. You know, we don’t get many kangaroos coming in here, you know.” The kangaroo says, “At $10 a beer, it’s not hard to understand.”
A guy walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice say, “You look nice today.” A few minutes later he again hears a small voice, “That’s a nice shirt.” The guy asks the bartender, “Who is that?” The bartender says, “Those are the peanuts. They’re complimentary!”
A baby seal walks into a bar. “What can I get you?” asks the bartender. “Anything but a Canadian Club,” replies the seal.
A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, “You’re quite a celebrity around here. We’ve even got a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “You’ve got a drink named Steve?”
A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog. The man asks, “Does your dog bite?”. The lady answers, “Never!” The man reaches out to pet the dog and the dog bites him. The man says, “I thought you said your dog doesn’t bite!” The woman replies, “He doesn’t. This isn’t my dog.”
A guy walks into a bar and there is a horse behind the bar serving drinks. The guy is just staring at the horse, when the horse says, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse serving drinks before?” The guy says, “No, I never thought the parrot would sell the place.”
A skeleton walks into a bar and says, “Gimme a beer, and a mop.”
A guy walks into a bar and sees a woman at the end of the bar. The man says to the bartender, “I’ll have a beer and I’d like to buy a drink for the douchebag at the end of the bar. The bartender says, “OK, but you shouldn’t talk to a woman like that.” The bartender asks the woman what she would like. The woman says, “I’ll have a vinegar and water.”
An Irishman walks out of a bar. Hey, it COULD happen!
A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.